Safe, Wanted, and Loved: A Family Memoir of Mental Illness, Heartbreak, and Hope by Patrick Dylan

Author:Patrick Dylan [Dylan, Patrick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Snow Anselmo Press
Published: 2021-05-03T22:00:00+00:00

12.

The Resurgence

The Cure

“Pictures of You”

4:07–4:38

My brother, Brad, was the best man at our wedding, and he gave a thoughtful toast, essentially marveling at Mia’s kindness and wondering how I ever persuaded her to marry me. It was funny and moving, and he delivered it perfectly. He was a tough act to follow.

Fortunately, I had been preparing for months. Unbeknownst to Mia, I had secretly written a toast in Spanish. A native speaker helped me practice it. By our reception, I could recite it word for word fluently. I followed my brother to the stage when he finished; everyone expected English to come next.

“Antes de empezar, quiero decir unas palabras en el primer idioma de Mia.” Translated, this meant: “Before I start, I want to say a few words in Mia’s first language.” The speech included lots of references to Miami and fishing, too. The audience, half of whom were Cuban, roared with approval. They were impressed, I think, because it lasted over five minutes. They all loved it, especially Mark and Luke. I could hear them hollering from the tables below.

After the Spanish toast, I gave one in English. It talked about how I used to dream about the right girl for me. I made reference to one of my favorite movies, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. There’s a scene where Robert Redford describes what he is looking for in a partner: “I’m not picky. As long as she’s smart, pretty, and sweet, and gentle, and tender, and refined, and lovely, and carefree . . .” He walks away, his voice trailing off as he keeps listing adjectives.

That was how it felt when I was younger, like I was searching for someone too perfect to be real. But then I met Mia, and she was everything that I had dreamed about. Some people might have felt embarrassed or uncomfortable, standing on a stage and admitting these things. I felt invincible, proudly facing the crowd of people that meant so much to us.

But there was another memory that meant more to me. It came after the seriousness of the ceremony and the clamor of the reception.

We left early on Monday morning for our honeymoon. We were looking forward to a week in the Caribbean together. But as I sat on the plane, I realized that it was way more than that: we were looking forward to a lifetime together.

And it hit me—I would never be alone again. Sure, we might be separated for a few days here and there, but Mia was my eternal companion. This beautiful, talented, and kindhearted person would always be there for me. Of course, we would go through difficult times, but we’d go through them together. We would always have each other to lean on.

I thought that at the time, anyway.

***

Mia was fully psychotic again. Before too long, we were sitting in Dr. Rojas’s waiting room. The white noise was helpful, as it captured and held her attention. As we waited, I kept thinking about our first visit.

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